Acts of Treason:

 

She-Hulk #8

 

OPENING ARGUMENTS

JASON: As with the case of many of the Civil War tie ins that run through on-going titles, I read She-Hulk monthly. It seems that in CW #1, She-Hulk was in the ProReg camp, so I'm hoping for some insight as to why she choose that side. This being the first of the crossovers, I'm wondering if it's really going to have anything to do with Civil War, or if it's just a tie-in to increase sales, though I trust Dan Slott’s writing enough to believe there'll be some real meat to this story.

MICHAEL: All I know about Slott is that I thought his Ren & Stimpy stuff was enh (though that’s not really his fault; I just don’t think the stories translate to comics well), his Spider-Man / Human Torch crossover was simply jaw-dropping in its ability to ape different decades, and his “Pull My Thing” bulls#!* was ridiculous (as if anyone out there doesn’t have titles on their pull list they really want). I’m not that into Shulkie, and I don’t read her monthly. I always thought having the superpower of being able to break the fourth wall was fun in certain situations (loved Ambush Bug), but it just always felt like Byrne didn’t know how to write her so he made her, essentially, omniscient, to make her easier to write. She still has the fourth-wall-breaking power, right?

Also, didn’t she bang Juggernaut?

JASON: Not so much with the fourth-wall thing anymore. She sometimes seems to have an understanding that’s she’s in a comic, but it comes and goes.

 

Page One, Panel 1

JASON: Burn Warriors! Burn!! The nice thing about this panel is that it doesn't make me think “Hate-Monger”. Nope. Not in the least.

MICHAEL: You know, even at f#*!ing Nuremberg there weren’t effigies of Nazis. Almost makes me wonder if Slott is taking the piss here.

I bet in the South, there are a couple of black people thrown in with the NW just for good measure.

 

Page One, Panel 2.

MICHAEL: Burning memorabilia Im totally okay with; I mean, they did that with the Beatles. But effigies? Theres an image. Burn, Ringo, Burn!

 

Page One, Panel 4

JASON: For those of you who need to know, the guy Jen's lip locking is John Jameson, the son of Daily Bugle publisher J. Jonah Jameson.

MICHAEL: He’s a wolf, right?

JASON: Yes, but he’s all man.

 

Page Two, Panel 1

MICHAEL: Y’know, I don’t care how trustworthy Dr. Strange is, the moment he was like, ‘now put on this sacrificial virgin outfit,’ I’d be like, ‘uhhhhh … I have a three o’clock, so … maybe not.’

JASON: ‘Wrap yourself in a meat coat, and never call upon me again!’

 

Page Two, Panel 2

JASON: Man, Scarlet Witch is still causing trouble.

MICHAEL: Man, Slott really is a continuity hound, huh? Going back to a previous volume of a title? That’s like completely unheard of in the Joey Q MU.

And I’m honestly glad they explained what hex he was talking about; I thought for a moment he’d allowed Jen to remember the House of M events.

JASON: Slott’s what they call at Marvel “a loose cannon”.

MICHAEL: Marvel’s got what I call ‘a loose canon.’

 

Page Three, Panel 1

JASON: Gotta love the little demon taking a bow back there. “Ladies, there's enough o' me for everyone!”

 

Page Three, Panel 3

MICHAEL: I think she should stay as that middle-form more often. She looks like a permanently-surprised Mongoloid child.

 

Page Three, Panel 4

MICHAEL: ‘Ms. Walters, please! Never call me again!’

“No more struggling or straining! No more gizmos and ‘gamma changers’!” Wow, man, she was dedicated to curing her constipation problems.

 

Page Three, Panel 5

JASON: “I can be a super hero again! Whenever I want! For as long as I want! Thanks to the makers of Gammagra, the gamma-charged sexual aid pill. Little, green, different.”

MICHAEL: You went for the dick joke, while I took the high road & went for the poop joke.

Who says comic fans are a bunch of infantile creepy guys?

JASON: Pretty much everyone.

MICHAEL: Every girl, at least.

/Sniff/

 

Page Four,  Panel 2

JASON: Admittedly,  I've never been to New York, so I'm excited to see that they have an MC Escher building out there. Damn, New York. What a town. I have a feeling if I could make it there, I could make it anywhere.

 

Page Four, Panel 6

MICHAEL: “Did he hit it in time?”

‘Dude, he hits it every night. That chicks green, yo.’

 

Page Four, Panel 7

MICHAEL: Wow. I really want a wacky, multicultural, slang-throwing pit crew wherever I go.

Yo, Michael, that left turn was totally whack!’

‘Where wuz yer turn signal, bro?’

‘I used to have a life of my own—ambitions, desires, dreams. But now I’m totally subsumed by your world, Big Mike!’

JASON: Word.

 

Page Five, Panel 3

JASON: Wow, this is almost exactly how the Cap/Shield exchange should have been handled. Two people-one in uniform, one in their underwear- having an adult discussion. And by “adult” I mean “grown-up” not like... ‘How did Vision knock up the  Scarlet Witch?’ kind of “adult.”

MICHAEL: John: Damn you to hell for this, General.

General: Damn you to hell for making me do it, John.

Knife fight!

 

Page Five, Panel 6

JASON: Glad to see that someone in the military decided to try something other then “The Big Purple Robots That Get Decapitated And Fall Down A Lot” program.

MICHAEL: Ah, boy. I totally want to see the pit crew star in the John-vs.-superheroes plotline. Over the headset:

Yo, dude, you totally just decapitated Falcon!’

‘Oh my God, I be wantin’ a picture of that for my woman, yo.’

Eyyyy, watch your instrument panel, y’stupid spic! He wuz nearly hit by Negro Goliat’ there!’

 

Page Six, Panel 1

JASON: Look! Small low-flying “vehicles”!  Somebody bust out the EVA Interceptor STAT!

 

Page Six, Panel 4

JASON: Sure, nobody knew who Speedball was, but this yutz recognizes Rage?

   “How many kids have you murdered today?” ...The hell? That's so rude! It's like asking your bus driver how much coke he snorted before coming to work.

MICHAEL: I mean, Jesus Christ, even people violently opposed to gay marriage generally aren’t, on the street, like, ‘how many anuses did you sodomize today, faggot?’

JASON: Subtle joke, Michael. I had to think about it for a minute to get it.

MICHAEL: I’m like Dennis Miller, I’m so obscure.

 

Page Six, Panel 5

JASON: Perhaps if they wanted to remind people they were Avengers, they should have worn big ol' “A” belt buckles.

MICHAEL: Man, Rage is stupid. Is he 16 yet? Wasn’t that his big secret & why he was eventually pushed out of the Avengers? Cause he was like 13? It’s only been a couple of years since then in the MU, hasn’t it? He & Vance were probably out mourning their old teammates’s deaths, and Rage had to drink birch beer. Poor guy.

JASON: RAGE!!!!!!! I just like yelling that every once in a while.

MICHAEL:Yo, man, you be pulling that rage s#!t again? Dat’s wack, yo!’

 

Page Seven, Panel 1

JASON: It takes a real man to wear Rage's costume. Or a real Chippendale. I'm not sure which.

MICHAEL: Chippendale? You went with Chippendale? When it screams ‘S&M gimp’ (especially with that pose), or at least ‘Mexican wrestler,’ both of which are at least 2.7 times funnier than ‘Chippendale’?

JASON: Wait for it. One must ease into the Mexican wrestler jokes.

MICHAEL: ‘Hey, man, cut him a break! Thees is hard!’

‘Yeah, ey. He wuz tryin’, dat’s what counts.’

Wait a minute …

“As your lawyer, my first piece of advice is to lose those uniforms.”

Did I accidentally pick up the slashfic version of this comic? Shrug. Ah well. Bring on the wild and uncontrolled threesome, I suppose.

[Whistles from the pit crew]

 

Page Seven, Panel 2

JASON: “You will believe a superhero/stripper/Mexican wrestler can cry!”

MICHAEL: Ah, okay. There we go.

 

Page Seven, Panel 3

JASON: Kudos to Slott for actually doing his research on the Warriors before writing this. It's nice to read a comic written by someone who actually reads comics themselves.

MICHAEL: Yeah. I remember Rage’s grandma getting kacked, but none of the rest of it. I should dig out my old NW comics. Man, I loved them.

Also, don’t you just love the bizarreness of someone actually saying the phrase, “Easy, Rage”?

 

Page Eight, Panel 4

JASON: I really want to see what was burned into Hindsight Lad's lawn. “Eat at Zen's $5 buffet EVERY DAY!” Or maybe “Hindsight Lad? More like Hindsight BOY!” Or the ever popular “I want my two dollars!”

MICHAEL: Not to spoil anything here, but maybe it was ‘I didn’t do it.’

And, uh, Hindsight Lad? Totally drawing a blank here. Holy s#!*, I’m needing to pull out reference books for this issue more than I did for CW1, I think.

Also, no clue who Swearing Fro Chick is.

JASON:Yeah, maybe we need help from the studio audience for her.

MICHAEL: ‘I dunno what dat bitch’s name be, but I’d tap dat in a second!’

‘You sick, bro. You’d stick in anything. You’d boink a woodpile if someone told you they was a chick underneat’ it.’

‘You mean dere wasn’t?’

 

Page Eight, Panel 5

JASON: I'm telling you, some where out there lurks the Hate-Monger.

MICHAEL: Apparently, he’s now known as “Animus.” I would’ve thought “Atavus” would fit better, but whatever.

Also, okay, I don’t remember Timeslip, either, but her name would imply some sort of time powers. You’d think she’d have the ability to elude a mob. After she ‘timeslips’ away, I hope someone in the mob asked, “’Get her’? That was your plan, Ray? ‘Get her’???”

 

Page Nine, Panel 1.

MICHAEL: Okay, this doesn’t really relate to anything, but first read, I thought she said, “This is adorable.” Which would’ve made the comic go an entirely different direction.

‘For someone to focus on it this way, to use it to place other lives in danger … why, if I didn’t know better, I’d suspect Animus was involved!’

Okay, god, that’s not as funny as saying “Hate-Monger.” Let’s return to the old-school name.

 

Page Nine, Panel 2

MICHAEL: If somebody says to me, “They’re getting off on it! Look!” the first thing I would do is look away.

JASON: I just have to take a moment to sit back and just think about just how nice Jennifer's TV is. I can't tell from this angle, but I think its high def. I mean, it's gotta be. I want them to hook up a Gamecube to that bad boy and play some Mario. It'd be almost as much fun to watch as to play!

MICHAEL:Ey, man, we gots to get you laid, yo.’

‘You goombah! He’s married!’

‘Yeah, I know, man. Eet’s a damn shame.’

 

Page Nine, Panel 3

JASON: I know Rage acts like he's kind of a sissy, but you have to remember that he's only 14 years old. Sixteen max. Just think back to when you were a stripper at 16, and you'll understand why he's sad.

 

Page Nine, Panel 4

JASON: “Together we'll beat this. But first, Elvin, do YMCA!”

MICHAEL: Ugh. The hidden trauma of that outfit: Anyone under 7’ tall talking to Rage has to deal with the acrid stench of pec sweat.

JASON: And the overactiveness of a 16 year old male’s groin.

 

Page Ten, Panel 2.

MICHAEL: Whoah, that transition is just shoehorned in there.

 

Page Ten, Panel 6

JASON: Reading though this page,  I get the feeling that nobody asked Slott where She-Hulk stood on the registration issue. Perhaps Joe Q needs to be told that the Internet can be use for communication in addition to hype.

MICHAEL: This is why no one thought of the ‘message board’ idea in Illuminati; no one at Marvel knows of this newfangled technology.

Also, okay, I’m baffled. Everyone knows she’s She-Hulk, right? Hence why she was feeling all self-conscious back on page three or whatever? Or was that just paranoia? Is this unknown person leaking this information, or just reminding people?

JASON: The Scarlet Witch’s hex kinda made people forget she was She-Hulk. Kinda.

MICHAEL: ‘She’s big and green and … I dunno. Probably not the Hulk. She’s something, I know. She might be with Marilyn Manson or something. She-Hulk? Maybe, but I don’t think so…’

 

Page Eleven, Panel 1

MICHAEL: I’m surprised these people don’t have some f#*!ing effigies to burn out here. Dear God, this is ridiculous. Even Slott can’t resist having OTT angry mobs.

‘Yeah, what is dis? A universe’a friggin Puerto Ricans?’

Ouch. Okay, I’m turning you guys off.

‘Aw, boss, we wuz just kiddin.’

I’m squashing you like bugs.

‘No! No! Ahhh! I gots a wife n three kids!’

‘Tell my mami I love her … eck!’

God, I love doing that ….

JASON: You’re barbaric.

MICHAEL: Anyway.

JASON: This is how you can tell this story is fiction, folks: Then day after Rage and Justice talk to Jen, the court case has already started. The legal system in the Marvel U rocks!

MICHAEL: To be fair, they don’t say that. This could’ve been months, for all we know. Also, since they probably slapped a ‘cease and desist’ order on DAW.com, it’s probably got to be settled pretty quickly.

 

Page Eleven, Panel 2

JASON: ‘Justice, drop your TK shield, and lets go! I forgot we had a Pre-school to blow up!’

MICHAEL: Wow. Rage isn’t afraid of some empty soda cans. I can totally see how he took on a herald of Galactus.

JASON: Yeah, that’s the type of fearlessness you need to take off a Herald of Galactus, unfortunately RAGE!!!!! wasn’t a member of the Warriors at that time.

 

Page Eleven, Panel 3

JASON: Yes, Jennifer! You're so close! Look for the hate rays, look for the hate rays!!

 

Page Eleven, Panel 4

JASON: “I got She-Hulk!” And the dumb ass of the year award goes to...

MICHAEL: Guess he didn’t get the memo from Strange that she can transform again.

 

Page Twelve, Panel 1

JASON: ... This gentleman right here! Speech! Speech!

 

Page Twelve, Panel 2.

MICHAEL: As justified as she might be, probably not the best PR work to throw a human aside so callously & mutter, “Idiot.”

 

Page Twelve, Panel 5

JASON: “Nothing I can do as Jen that I can't do as She-Hulk. Expect touch my nose with my tongue. Odd, isn't it?”

 

Page Thirteen, Panel 1

JASON: “They're Stamford survivors”? All of Stamford blew up? This story just gets bigger and bigger. Civil War 3: “Damn you New Warriors! You blew up Connecticut!” Civil War #5: “I hate you New Warriors! You destroyed New England!” Civil War #7 “New Warriors! You killed Kenny! You bastards!”

MICHAEL: Why is Wayne Newton the defense attorney?

Also, why is Jen staying in Shulkie form? That seems … distracting, at the very least.

And, damn, man. She must’ve had a quick-sew repair kit in her bag, ‘cause her outfit looks fine now.

 

Page Thirteen, Panel 2

MICHAEL: Yeah, yeah, we get it, grandma! They’re in pieces! Boo friggin hoo!

 

Page Thirteen, Panel 3

JASON: I think the morale of the whole Stamford story is “Kids, drop out of school. That way you won't be there when it blows up.”

MICHAEL: In response to this witness, Shulkie should totally call like a stoner.

Druggie: ‘I was outta school rollin’ some spleefs with my homies, planning some homegrown terrorist acts, you know? If I’d known where my school was … I don’t sleep much anymore.’

Shulkie: ‘See? Anti-American jackasses survived, too.’

I don’t really know what it would prove, but I’ve never understood what bringing emotion into a trial like this proves, either, so … wtf.

 

Page Thirteen, Panel 4.

MICHAEL: “I saw that giant fireball, and I just knew. They were dead. All dead.”

‘I knew because I’ve seen so many before. I mean, flying around in the MU, you see disasters of this proportion all the time. Like that time Philly got nuked? Or the time Kang invaded? I mean, this is like an everyday friggin’ occurrence. Hell, you could consider me an expert witness by this point. I mean, this practically pales in comparison to some of the tragedies I’ve seen.’

 

Page Thirteen, Panel 5

JASON: Jen Walters is a gamma-sized woman, and she's got a gamma-sized nose itch.

 

Page Fourteen, Panel 2

MICHAEL: Okay, Elvin! Jeez! 603! Happier now?

JASON: Elvin sure gets mad easy. He should be called something like Pissed-Off Man, or Mad-Man, or RAGE!!!!. Oh. Wait.

Seriously, Elvin and Justice make a great point here. The New Warriors didn't blow up anything or anyone. Nitro did. The Warriors, I don't know... kinda DIED! Has anyone stopped to think that Nitro, whose sole power is to blow up—

MICHAEL: And maybe surviving huge blows to the head. Maybe.

JASON: --was planning on blowing people up regardless of whether or not the Warriors showed up?

MICHAEL: You know, that does bring up an interesting question. I mean, it looked like that explosion took out what, maybe a block? So you’d think at least some of that villain-house would still be standing, and there’d maybe be an investigation into what their plot was. We’ve all just kind of assumed they were merely hiding out, but with their track records, it is pretty conceivable they were planning some sort of destruction.

JASON: I’m sure whatever they were doing was completely innocent, until those damn baby killing New Warriors showed up!

 

Page Fourteen, Panel 4

JASON: It's always nice to have an impartial judge.

MICHAEL: I’ve watched enough Law & Order to know that he’s completely in the right here; no matter how much you might be getting screwed over, you can’t have an outburst like that because it’s considered contempt of court, and while you can hate the person you’re fighting in court, you’re always supposed to have respect for ‘the Court,’ no matter what.

Though I would love to see her be like, ‘Judge, you’re the one who wanted to allow emotional testimony into the case!’

‘For the rest of this case, you’ll stick them right up your ass, greenie!’

 

Page Fifteen, Panel 5

JASON: Captain America? More like Captain Scruffy. Damned hippy.

MICHAEL: Or Captain Jowly. What, has he gotten jaundice already here?

 

Page Fifteen, Panel 7

JASON: Man, everybody's able to sum up what Civil War is about better then Marvel's press corps.

MICHAEL: No s#!t.

 

Page Sixteen, Panel 1

MICHAEL: ‘Damn you to hell for asking me that, Steve.’

‘Damn you to hell for making me ask you, John.’

 

Page Sixteen, Panel 3

JASON: I have to say, Slott does a great job with John in this book; he's a totally likable character here. 

MICHAEL: As opposed to … ? The last time I really remember him is like in the ‘70s in Spidey, turning into Man-Wolf all the time.

JASON: Exactly.

MICHAEL: But he was still likeable then. His Man-Wolf transformations were all tragic ‘cause he was so likeable. He just had a dickish dad.

Or am I totally misremembering?

JASON:  I guess I'm thinking more about the latter half of Amazing Spider-Man vol 1, where he was just an cardboard cut out who could have easily been interchanged with Flash Tompson and no one would have noticed.  

 

Page Sixteen, Panel 4.

MICHAEL: This is an odd panel here. The way Steve’s lit, he looks evil & like he’s holding a knife, about to kill the hell out of John.

JASON: ‘Come over to my side John… you’ll like it here so much, you may never want to leave! Bwha ha ha ha!’

MICHAEL: ‘Join us.’

 

Page Sixteen, Panel 6

MICHAEL: ‘If you really love her, do something now. And by “something,” I mean, “defect from the government.” Thanks.’

JASON: Even being America's Most Wanted, Steve takes the time to dish out some love advice. That Cap, whatta guy.

MICHAEL: Now he’s going to take John out for a hot dog.

 

Page Seventeen, Panel 1

MICHAEL: Objection! Relevance! I know, I know, I understand Slott had to work in the whole CW aspect, but seriously. This judge sucks, allowing all this s#!t in. This would be like allowing in evidence about a girl being a prostitute if she was murdered—as if her past has any relevance to the fact that she was killed. Even if the NW were at fault for what happened at Stamford, that doesn’t exculpate the DAW.com guys’s actions.

 

Page Seventeen, Panel 2

JASON: Zing! Score one for the Shehulkster! I'd thought everyone (except Michael and I) had forgotten about that story. Seems like the Avengers really dropped the ball on that one, and yet I don’t remember anyone burning them in effigy. There must not be any children in D.C.

 

Page Seventeen, Panel 4

JASON: Jen’s a cannon! I’m really glad someone pointing out to readers how stupid it is to have Tony be the figurehead of the Pro-Reggers. It’s goofy that he’s even for the Act to begin with. These are issues that should have been addressed in CW1. Here’s hoping that they make it in CW2.

MICHAEL: Ugh. As much as I like Slott for at least bringing up some continuity here, I’ve got to admit, I think it’s a bad idea. I think by this point the Marvel writers pretty much just have to throw in the towels and say that the MU now has a different Tony, a different Cap, a different Avengers history, and run with it. I mean, it’s fine and good for Jason & I to bitch about them forgetting about 2/3rds of Marvel history, but when it happens inside the books, it feels really sloppy to me.

I guess my main problem is that it reminds me of the 80’s, back when it was Byrne vs. everyone else, and they’d keep doing s#!t in each others’s books like, ‘oh, no, that was totally a Doombot the FF defeated! Doom himself would never go down like that!’ There are a few bits in this book that feel like Slott underhandedly bitching at Bendis and Millar for rewriting history so much, and while I totally understand where he’s coming from, it seems too little, too late, to be anything but pointless bitching.

But I’m very torn on this. I want to like it. I commiserate. I just don’t know if it’s appropriate.

JASON: I disagree. Slott’s not retconning anything here, he’s just bringing up past history. He’s going “Hey everyone, remember what happened over in Avengers #XXX?”, not “Hey everyone, remember what happened in over in Avengers #XXX? Well, that wasn’t Tony, it was a Doombot!” I feel that Slott has far more right to reference continuity, then Marvel’s EIC has in ignoring it.

MICHAEL: Even though I think I still agree with my point for the most part, I definitely do agree with that last sentence.

 

Page Seventeen, Panel 5

JASON: An illegal satellite to brainwash Earth? Crap, is there a legal one?

MICHAEL: Yeah, I think it’s called Brother Eye or something like that …

JASON: I’d pay five bucks to watch She-Hulk snap Nick Fury’s neck like a twig.

MICHAEL: ‘Why’d you do that?!?’

‘He was controlling you, Reed, there was no choice.’

‘No … no, I was totally me.’

‘Seriously? But what about the time you got before Congress and argued against registration? What about that thing with your kids a few months ago? How can you reconcile your past actions with your current ones? I totally thought you were an evil mind-controlled shell.’

‘No, no, I just … changed my mind, I guess.’

‘Oh. Whoops.’

 

Page Seventeen, Panel 6.

MICHAEL: Never good to let your eyes get all flame-y when you’re trying to prove your point in court.

JASON: Yowza! The armor just initiated ‘Intimidation Protocol #12- Glowy Eyes!”

 

Page Eighteen, Panel 1

JASON: If this is anything like Civil War #1, we’re going to get a useless fight scene! Yippie!

MICHAEL: ‘The word I want with you, She-Hulk, is beeyatch!’ [IM bitch slaps her, pretending she’s Namor]

JASON: And then, unlike Iron Man, She Hulk puts up a fight.

 

Page Eighteen, Panel 2

MICHAEL: ‘Fighting for a world that hates and fears them … eeeevery hero in the Marvel Universe.’

JASON: Dangit. They talk like two adults with a trust brought on by fighting for their lives side-by-side for years, and even though they’re on two different sides of an issue, they still have a respect for each other. I was hoping for useless posturing.

MICHAEL: ‘Damn you for being on that stand, Tony.’

‘Damn you for making me be there.’

‘I’m a lawyer. It’s my job.’

‘We’re not in a courtroom. You’re no lawyer here.’

WHOOOM!

Oh, and, hey, isn’t Tony still pretending not to be IM? I guess this is post-Frontline 1, but that seems a bit bad. Oh, no, wait. He’s just telling Jen. They kept the identities separate on the stand. Holy hell, Slott, that’s nicely done.

Oh, but wait. We’ve learned from Spidey and common sense that “Iron Man” as an identity shouldn’t be allowed to testify, since you can’t have someone behind a mask testify. So … good continuity within your own book, Slott, just bad continuity with the real world and/or Spidey.

 

Page Eighteen, Panel 3

“After your cousin destroyed Las Vegas…”

‘He didn’t kill anyone!’

‘Of course he didn’t, Jen.’

‘He never kills anyone!’

‘Okay, Jen, let’s simmer down.’

‘Damn you for bringing up Bruce.’

‘Damn you for making me bring him up.’

I’m going to run that goddamn joke so far into the ground it will hit China.

 

Page Eighteen, Panel 4

MICHAEL: “Lawless idiots”? There’s the new-MU IM I’ve come to grow and love.

JASON: *cries*

 

Page Nineteen, Panel 1

JASON: Slapstick has a secret ID? You really do learn something new everyday.

MICHAEL: More importantly, Slapstick was on the New Warriors? Hey, you know who else was on the NW? Scarlet Spider! (I’ll spoil it: he’s Ben Reilly.) Have I mentioned I have a way to bring him back?

JASON: Oh, really? I think you may have mentioned it.

MICHAEL: I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I haven’t.

 

Page Nineteen, Panel 2

JASON: The reason he’s thinking of Angelica Jones while hanging out in his parents’s basement is because he just saw her on Hustler’s Real College Girls 9.

MICHAEL: Really? I stopped with #7. I felt it really lost its steam and original conceptual thrust at that point. I much prefer the less-trumped up Real 37-Year Olds Pretending To Be College Girls series from UpFront Enterprises.

 

Page Nineteen, Panel 4

JASON:Noooo! Porn combusts in the light! AHHHHHH!!!!”

MICHAEL: It does???? [Bricking up windows]

 

Page Twenty, Panel 1

MICHAEL: Well. There’s Slapstick. Guess he was in the NW.

‘Damn you to hell for calling in Slapstick!’

‘Damn you to hell for making me call him in!’

JASON: *blink blink* Ok. So. Let me get this straight.  Hindsight Lad believes that the best way to make people forget about the Warriors is to consistently remind everyone about the six hundred people that they inadvertently killed? … I’m not falling for it, Slott. Hindsight’s cat told him to do it, that’s what I believe.

MICHAEL: I think I could write an entire thesis on trying to map out Hindsight Lad’s sentences here, and the meaning behind them.

Also … who the f#*! is Hindsight Lad?

JASON: Um, this kid with no super-powers. He just blackmailed his way into the New Warriors when he discovered Speedball’s secret ID.

 

Page Twenty, Panel 2

JASON: Justice got the best Cracker Jack prize ever!

MICHAEL: He kind of looks like an evil Teletubby here. Though, is there any other kind?

 

Page Twenty, Panel 3.

MICHAEL: “[Stamford’s] our legacy now!” And so outing and killing the Warriors is a better legacy? I mean, seriously, dude. Even if you started with … possibly good intentions (I’m still baffled by them) … after the f#*!ing effigies you’d think he would’ve stopped.

JASON: Maybe he thought the effigies were a progressive sign, like one of the steps of mourning or something.

 

Page Twenty, Panel 4.

MICHAEL: ‘I never saw it coming. But in hindsight ….’

Guess the kid’s not a futurist.

 

Page Twenty-One, Panel 1

JASON: Yes! More angry mobs! And they’re attacking Marylin Monroe! Stupid angry mobs! Stupid, stupid!

MICHAEL: The Marvel Universe. More angry mobs per square inch than anywhere else in the multiverse. Whoops—is that copyrighted?

 

Page Twenty-One, Panel 2

JASON: I don’t believe it, Hindsight Lad’s plan worked! The angry mob has forgotten all about the New Warriors!

MICHAEL: Little-known fact. In the MU, there are no such things as hobbies. This is why a lot of people turn to adventuring—because there’s nothing else to do. Hency why everyone gets so riled so easily.

 

Page Twenty-One, Panel 3

JASON: “It’s ‘Post-Humans’ now. Jerk!”

 

Page Twenty-One, Panel 4.

MICHAEL: Just as a side-note, “Jinkies! It’s the fuzz! Beat it!” made me laugh out loud.

JASON: Yeah, I love Slapstick. I have his series… somewhere.

MICHAEL: The Ghost Rider cover is the best.

 

Page Twenty-One, Panel 5

MICHAEL: Whoah, John’s getting a head start on taking down superheroes! Damn, John, way to be pro-active!

 

Page Twenty-Two, Panel 1

JASON: “Oh. John. Um. Sorry about that jerk thing. I was just kiddin’.”

 

Page Twenty-Two, Panel 2.

MICHAEL: That’s gotta be weird. Standing on a plane is like the only time he can kiss her as She-Hulk without a ladder. Though, I guess, technically, the plane is the ladder in this instance. Um. Never mind. Hey, where’d Slapstick go?

JASON: I miss him already.

 

Page Twenty-Two, Panel 3.

MICHAEL: “My answer? To what?”

Whose side are you on?!?

 

Page Twenty-Two, Panel 4

JASON: This is like, what, the third wedding for Marvel this year? It truly is Marvel Romance Redux.

 

CLOSING ARGUMENTS

JASON: I was happy to see that the main She Hulk plot was derailed only slightly. The Good? I was pleasantly surprised that some of the issues that didn’t get brought up by CW1 got brought up here. Also, I’m glad that someone can write Tony as good guy and still a Pro-Regger.

The Bad? I was minorly annoyed that some of the issues that got brought up here weren’t in CW1 like they should have been. (Guess that’s more a gripe with CW1 though, isn’t it?) Also, Hindsight Lad’s motive, kinda weak. Overall, I really enjoyed this book.

MICHAEL: Yeah, I think my biggest gripe overall is that it felt like Slott spent so much time spackling over some of the inconsistencies of CW and taking swipes at the guys behind it that the resolution to his main story suffered. If, however, we look at the John/Jen marriage as the main plot (which I’m wont to do), I felt it was really nicely interweaved with the CW stuff (Cap being the catalyst that makes John propose? Really nice way to work in the crossover—if we hadn’t had CW, I’m betting it would’ve been someone on his pit crew).

And, as an interesting afterthought, the issue does bring up a lot of issues as to the ‘correctness’ of the bill. Let’s look at what happened: the case was not going well, so Shulkie & the NW ripped apart a house, scaring the neighbors and attacking Hindsight Lad with no (legal) probable cause or search warrant. So what came out of it? Considering he had his little moment of catharsis, he’ll probably stop running the site, but at the cost of a lot of property damage and more angry mobs. If they’d had government backing, they could’ve gotten a search warrant from a judge because of the memory stick, arrested HL, and not destroyed a perfectly innocent house.

It’s interesting that a book that really fell heavily on the Anti-Reg side really makes a great argument for the Pro-Reg side. I don’t know if this was purposefully subversive on Slott’s part, or just lazy closure when it came to the CW aspect of the book.

In any case, not the best read, but it raised a lot of interesting questions. I dug it.

 

Michael T Bradley has been reading comics for about 14 years. His Marvel background in particular involves many a late night in college reading through their “comic library,” which included a full run of Spider-Man. Every title. Back to Amazing 19, baby. Spidey is by far his favorite Marvel character (and important to this series, or so it seems). He pretty much dropped out of Spidey when Todd McFarlane came along, with brief periods of interest drawing him back (i.e., the Clone Saga, some Paul Jenkins stuff, a love-hate relationship with Straczynski, and Spider Man Loves Mary Jane). Beyond that, Michael’s main interaction with the Marvel universe is David’s Hulk run and “anything Mark Gruenwald wrote.” So if Quasar shows up, we’re covered. Also, Michael used to work in a comic store, so he’s been at least partially in touch with a lot of things that have happened in the Marvel universe.

 

Jason Freston, on the other hand, reads lots and lots and lots of comics. Jason’s obsession started over 20 years ago and seems to have taken on a life of its own. Spider-Man is also Jason’s favorite Marvel character (he even stuck through during the McFarlane years). Currently you can find Jason reading comics, and occasionally working, at Dragon’s Keep in Provo, Utah. (You can also generally find Michael there, as well, working on the next installment of this damned monster of a project.)

 

 

 

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